Understanding Long-Term Relationships
Many romance writers struggle when it comes
to creating a long-term mate for their main character. One of the best
ways for writers to overcome this hurdle is to understand the psychology
behind what people look for when looking for a long-term mate and not
just a quick hookup.
When a person looks for a long-term mate, there are several key variables that an individual typically looks for. These main variables are:
1. Physical appearance
2. Quality of interactions
3. Common interests
4. Complementary characteristics (characteristics they lack)
It has been found that physical appearance is one of the most influential factors in regards to the initial attraction as it plays an essential role in determining if a person will, in fact, approach the other individual (Sprecher & Reis, 2009). Physical appearance may not matter as much in the long-term, but at that moment it is the most important factor a person looks for as it determines if a person will approach the other person or not. Further, people often draw conclusions about each other concerning character traits based purely on the way a person looks. For instance, a person might think that an individual looks friendly, smart, or mean; these inferences are based only on appearance, yet if a person is looking for someone who is smart they might ignore someone they think does not look smart. If a person chooses to search for a long-term mate using the internet, then the physical appearance becomes less important than the quality of the interaction; the person instead tends to judge the suitability of the other person based on the feelings of similarity, intimacy, and closeness attained (Sprecher & Reis, 2009).
The creation of internet dating has given rise to special interest groups that allow an individual to seek a long-term mate who shares their interests, hobbies, and/or values; relationships formed with such similarities influence not only the success of the relationship and length of the relationship, but also the closeness of their relationship as like attracts like (Rushton, 1989). In contrast, people also seem to seek out long-term mates who possess characteristics that they themselves lack (Winch, 1958). For example, an introvert might seek a long-term mate that is an extrovert to provide them with the characteristics which they lack.
While these four variables accurately portray the key variables that a person looks for when they are searching for a long-term mate, they do not, in fact, guarantee long-term relationship success. The variables indicate what a person looks for when seeking a long-term mate, yet there are numerous other variables that can affect the success of a long-term relationship. Some examples of such variables are:
1. Children
2. Pets
3. Family interferences
4. Behavior changes
5. Finances
6. Evolution of the relationship
These variables can pop up or change at any point during a relationship and they can influence the success of the relationship. For instance, the man might not want children, but if the woman became pregnant and did not want to abort nor adopt out the baby then this could alter the dynamic of the relationship. Financial issues can also cause a relationship to break, especially due to actions like gambling, dishonesty, and bankruptcy.
References
Sprecher, S., & Reis, H. T. (2009). Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. Thousand Oaks,
Calif: SAGE Publications, Inc. Retrieved from https://search-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&db=e000xna&AN=474344&site=ehost-live&scope=site
Rushton, J. P. (1989). Genetic similarity, human altruism, and group selection. Behavioral and
Brain Sciences, 12, 503-559.
Winch, R. (1958). Mate selection. New York: Harper & Row
Written by Readers’ Favorite Reviewer Sefina Hawke When a person looks for a long-term mate, there are several key variables that an individual typically looks for. These main variables are:
1. Physical appearance
2. Quality of interactions
3. Common interests
4. Complementary characteristics (characteristics they lack)
It has been found that physical appearance is one of the most influential factors in regards to the initial attraction as it plays an essential role in determining if a person will, in fact, approach the other individual (Sprecher & Reis, 2009). Physical appearance may not matter as much in the long-term, but at that moment it is the most important factor a person looks for as it determines if a person will approach the other person or not. Further, people often draw conclusions about each other concerning character traits based purely on the way a person looks. For instance, a person might think that an individual looks friendly, smart, or mean; these inferences are based only on appearance, yet if a person is looking for someone who is smart they might ignore someone they think does not look smart. If a person chooses to search for a long-term mate using the internet, then the physical appearance becomes less important than the quality of the interaction; the person instead tends to judge the suitability of the other person based on the feelings of similarity, intimacy, and closeness attained (Sprecher & Reis, 2009).
The creation of internet dating has given rise to special interest groups that allow an individual to seek a long-term mate who shares their interests, hobbies, and/or values; relationships formed with such similarities influence not only the success of the relationship and length of the relationship, but also the closeness of their relationship as like attracts like (Rushton, 1989). In contrast, people also seem to seek out long-term mates who possess characteristics that they themselves lack (Winch, 1958). For example, an introvert might seek a long-term mate that is an extrovert to provide them with the characteristics which they lack.
While these four variables accurately portray the key variables that a person looks for when they are searching for a long-term mate, they do not, in fact, guarantee long-term relationship success. The variables indicate what a person looks for when seeking a long-term mate, yet there are numerous other variables that can affect the success of a long-term relationship. Some examples of such variables are:
1. Children
2. Pets
3. Family interferences
4. Behavior changes
5. Finances
6. Evolution of the relationship
These variables can pop up or change at any point during a relationship and they can influence the success of the relationship. For instance, the man might not want children, but if the woman became pregnant and did not want to abort nor adopt out the baby then this could alter the dynamic of the relationship. Financial issues can also cause a relationship to break, especially due to actions like gambling, dishonesty, and bankruptcy.
References
Sprecher, S., & Reis, H. T. (2009). Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. Thousand Oaks,
Calif: SAGE Publications, Inc. Retrieved from https://search-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&db=e000xna&AN=474344&site=ehost-live&scope=site
Rushton, J. P. (1989). Genetic similarity, human altruism, and group selection. Behavioral and
Brain Sciences, 12, 503-559.
Winch, R. (1958). Mate selection. New York: Harper & Row
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